And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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