I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
