I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
