Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would fuck him just for his dog
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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