We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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