My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
