it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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