there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
