i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drunk is a universal language darling
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize