i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
