My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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