Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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