dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
