i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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