My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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