dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
