she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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