There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize