foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
