I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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