He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
