In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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