Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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