The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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