found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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