trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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