i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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