His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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