If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just pee around me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
