Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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