I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
