It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.