i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
