My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
