I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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