i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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