Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
