exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
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We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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