It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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