Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
