I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize