she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
