If that was your dad, he is hot
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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