I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
