what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
