I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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