the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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