I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
