i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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