3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
tell me about the fingering
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