TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
