my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
