people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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