So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Couch. On fire.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
