I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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