i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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