there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
