but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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