my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize