lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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