my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
