Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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