My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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